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Chelce Hessler - The Bad Dream

from In the Apartment Above the Dress Shop by Various Artists

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Lyrics from "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath

lyrics

“Doesn’t your work interest you, Esther?”

“I’m very interested in everything.”

My voice sounded strange and hollow in my ears.
First I would find words
to tell him how I was
being stuffed farther
and farther
into a black,
airless sack
with no way out.

And then he would tell me why I couldn’t sleep
and why I couldn’t read
and why I couldn’t eat
and why everything people did seemed so silly,
because they only died in the end.

And then he would help me
step by step
to be myself again.

It didn’t seem to be summer any more.
I could feel the winter shaking my bones and
banging
my teeth
together.
There was no moon.

“You say you want more sleeping pills?”
“Promise you'll be good?”

I woke to the sound of rain.
I am, I am.
Slowly I swam
up
from the bottom
of a black sleep.

I felt limp and betrayed, like the skin shed by a terrible animal.

“Don’t worry,” the nurse grinned down at me.
“Their first time everybody’s scared to death.
But come, come, lovey, we’ll make it yet,

I knew you would decide to be all right again.”
I waited for a touch of emotion,
the faintest glow.
Nothing.
Nothing.
None.

And I wondered
what terrible thing it was
that I had done.

“Promise you’ll be good?”

credits

from In the Apartment Above the Dress Shop, released June 11, 2015

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portrait by Emily Rose Alderman

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