My voice sounded strange and hollow in my ears.
First I would find words
to tell him how I was
being stuffed farther
and farther
into a black,
airless sack
with no way out.
And then he would tell me why I couldn’t sleep
and why I couldn’t read
and why I couldn’t eat
and why everything people did seemed so silly,
because they only died in the end.
And then he would help me
step by step
to be myself again.
It didn’t seem to be summer any more.
I could feel the winter shaking my bones and
banging
my teeth
together.
There was no moon.
“You say you want more sleeping pills?”
“Promise you'll be good?”
I woke to the sound of rain.
I am, I am.
Slowly I swam
up
from the bottom
of a black sleep.
I felt limp and betrayed, like the skin shed by a terrible animal.
“Don’t worry,” the nurse grinned down at me.
“Their first time everybody’s scared to death.
But come, come, lovey, we’ll make it yet,
I knew you would decide to be all right again.”
I waited for a touch of emotion,
the faintest glow.
Nothing.
Nothing.
None.
And I wondered
what terrible thing it was
that I had done.
Released in 2001, “The Convincer” is a gentle gem in the Nick Lowe catalog; an anniversary edition provides opportunity for rediscovery. Bandcamp New & Notable Sep 20, 2021
Post-Worthless, Annique Monet makes solo LP of magical, psychedelic pop songs that drift in and out of consciousness. Bandcamp New & Notable May 22, 2015